Lately, I have been seeing and hearing from friends and on social media, people are afraid to love. I discussed this subject a few weeks ago in my blog- Love Burn Out- Afraid to Love http://urbanimagemagazine.com/no-nonsense-telling-it-like-it-is-love-burn-out-afraid-to-love/
Today I want to delve deeper. Many of you, including myself have been hurt in the past by love. You may have been cheated on, lied to or abused in a previous relationship. Perhaps, you thought the chemistry was right between you and your partner but you discovered later, you just did not click!
You may carry this past relationship baggage into another relationship or you are afraid to date again. We will all be hurt by love at some point in our lives even if we are in a happy relationship. Our partners will disappoint us from time to time and we will get hurt. That is just a part of life! While it is understandable you may fear being hurt again, you should not let that stop you from pursuing love. One way you can possibly avoid being hurt deeply by love is being friends first in a relationship.
Some of you may be thinking, “Friends with benefits, O.K., cool!” No! That is not what I mean. I am talking about actually taking the time to become friends with someone and get to know them as a person. You do this in your platonic relationships so why shouldn’t it apply to love! This requires time! Many of you want to rush love and that is why you end up getting hurt. I was no exception to the rule. You may meet someone. They look hot and you think it is love at first sight. That night, the next week or maybe the next month, you have sex and then you realize this person is not someone who you want to be in a relationship with let alone spend the rest of your life with. You discover you can’t stand their personality or maybe find out they are seeing someone else on the side. Now you feel used! But you have to take responsibility for the part you played. You should not have rushed the relationship. Then to make matters worse, you stay in the relationship knowing you are not happy or compatible. You have no one to blame but yourself! 
What happened to the days of courting as our parents and grandparents did? They stayed together 50 or more years, through thick and thin, hell and high water! Today, some relationships and marriages cannot last 72 days, just ask Kim Kardashian! Why? We want instant relationships and instant gratification. No one wants to put the time and effort in to have a meaningful relationship. In order to do that, you must take the time to develop the relationship and that involves being friends first. Go on dates, talk on the phone, not just texting! Spend quality time together. No sex! Yes I said it! And let me repeat it in case you are still trying to process it. NO SEX! There are other ways to be intimate with your partner without having sex!
When I started dating my husband as I have talked about in previous blogs, I was coming out of a bad relationship. I made it clear to my husband that I was not ready to jump into another relationship but we could be friends. I thought he was a nice person and we had fun but I was not ready for another commitment. I also let him know up front, he was not getting into my panties if that is what he thought was going to happen and if he didn’t like it or didn’t want to wait, he could bounce! He chose to stay and put the work in! He did the old fashioned thing- he courted and romanced me and got to know the real me and still married me! How about that!
Being friends first in a relationship can work! If you put the work in! Just relax and take your time. Hopefully, you will have the rest of your lives to spend together! So there is no need to rush! After all, your partner should be your best friend and how can that happen if you do not start your relationship out as friends first!
Written By
Cynthia Rogers
